Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
