i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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