TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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