so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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