I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
