So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
