Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
