I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
