I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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