Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
