Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I touched a dick in church today
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
