theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
