do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
