just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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