You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
