im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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