i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
