I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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