You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
