your thong is hanging out like whoa
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My hand turned me down
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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