I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
