Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
