I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Quick, to the slutcave!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
