I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
