hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
bring money and cleavage
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
