Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
