you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
