So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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