Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
