Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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