would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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