your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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