so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
