Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think I am morally bankrupt
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
