I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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