I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
