explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
