I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
