We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
