I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
