ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
