dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
