Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
