I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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