When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
