Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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