My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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