Moan for me like Helen Keller
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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