Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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