Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
