Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
