Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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