I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
