only you would photoshop your dick
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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