i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
