They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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