Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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