Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
