I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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