who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pants are for mortals
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize