Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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