There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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