I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
