he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
