i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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