it was like his penis was on wheels.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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